Because it doesn't last forever. It just feels that way.

Over the weekend, I attended my grandson's elementary school cross country state meet.  When it came time for his race, I bypassed the beginning of the race with all 330 boys lined up, each one vying for a faster time.  I also avoided standing in the screaming crowd by the finish line, so many phones trying to capture those last historic moments.

Instead I scurried to the back of the course, where a long gradual downward slope ended with a steep ascent, climbing to a ridge that overlooked the finish line.  

That is where he needed me.  It is the hills where gravity pulls at their confidence and the long upward slog makes the runners wonder why in the world they ever signed up for this.

I saw him coming in that colorful river of boys.  I called out to him to pass yet another runner on the hill.  And he flew past, his face flushed, his mouth set.  He didn't even look.  He was unaware I was even there.  But somehow I think he knew I was.

I started walking back up the hill to return to where this race both started and finished.

I walked alongside the course, approaching a small copse of trees that hid the top of the ridge.  The dusty trail still headed uphill, marked by small plastic flags, and seemed to never end.  

As I was walking, I happened to glance over to the course, just a few feet away.  A young boy, appearing about nine years old, dressed in his team's red tank top and shorts, had stopped running. The hill was conquering him. He was sweating.  He began walking.  Others were slowly passing him by.  He had given up on this race.  I could see defeat written on his face and in his dragging feet.

I turned to him and said quietly, only to him, "You know, you are almost done."

A mere few seconds passed, the words soaking in, and suddenly he was gone, pulling out of nowhere his last remaining ounce of strength, running up that final vanquishing part of the hill.  And then, flying down to the crowds at the finish line where hundreds of people were cheering for their boys with shouts of acclamation that could be physically felt.  

I thought about that race this morning when I was trying to encourage a young mom at church who was so discouraged and weary.  Because this season, this hard task, this difficult day, week, year, that long steep hill doesn't last forever.

It just feels that way.

God puts people on each of our paths those who need encouragement through the miry bogs of life.  We can't do everything to help, assist and support, but we can always hand out kindness, hope and an good energizing word along the way.  And sing over them the psalms of ascent.

And then, we look back and see God's faithfulness all the way through.

I know.  I have been a recipient of those affirming words from the sideline over and over again.  On countless and strategic moments, God has placed many saints, strangers, friends and family literally and figuratively on my own marathon route through life.  And it always surprises me the incredible strength embedded in just a few encouraging words that all of us are able to bring, helping someone run the course set before them.  Even today.  Even in this.

The Lord GOD has given me

   the tongue of those who are taught,

that I may know how to sustain

                   with a word

      him who is weary.

                               Isaiah 50. 4

The Most Ineffective Words in Any Relationship

You
Need
To  __________

That's it.  Shortest blog posting ever.  You may stop reading now.

No matter the tone of voice, no matter the constructive or destructive intent, no matter your passion about the person or action, there is no need to even fill in the blank, because your audience of any age or size or relationship, has already turned off their hearing.  They have stopped listening.

What makes these words so ineffective and disdainful is that they were probably the first words uttered after the Fall.  Eve took a bite of that juicy apple.  She handed it to Adam, "You need to eat it too." And then, suddenly the thought occurred to her, "God, You need to..." as if she was suddenly in charge.

Even Jesus did not tell people what to do, what to believe, and how to believe it. Scripture reveals that the crowds and the leaders were "amazed" by how He pointed others to the Truth  just by asking questions.  "And who do you say that I am?" Throughout His ministry, He asked, "And what do you think?"

The Bible says for us to "Train up our children in the way they should go..."  Nowhere does the Bible commend being a tyrant.  The problem with telling children what to do is that they lose the ability to think through and discern what to do.  They have no ownership in doing what is right.  Teach them to think it through. Guide them in it. "What do you think would be the best decision?"  Because, as my mom used to say to me, "I won't always be there to help you."

Put a thought on their radar. "Have you considered...?"  It teaches them to think, provides a different perspective, and allows them to take ownership of the decision.

There is one guarantee:  your kids will mess up, your spouse will mess up, and so do we.  We often see imperfections in others because we are desperately trying to cover up our own.

I can't tell them what to do, but I can tell them what worked for me. 

As I advised a friend just a few weeks ago, "You get one bullet.  Make it a good one."  You get one opportunity to offer encouraging advice. And then, no re-runs or nagging.

What should I say, LORD?  Or should I say anything at all?  Covered absolutely in prayer first, saturated always in grace.

Quick to listen,
    slow to speak,
 slow to anger...

                                     James 1.19

Howard's ever-present 3 x 5 card, and what it taught me about praying

One of the first things I noticed when I met my dear father-in-law Howard was his strong sense of time and organization.  There was always a 3 x 5 index card in the front pocket of his shirt.  His day was scribbled on that card – things to be done, who to call, what to work on, what to finish from the day or week before.   The list was often extensive, realizing that some projects were not meant to be finished in a day, but keeping his appointments, assignments, plans and undertakings upfront where they would not be forgotten or fall off his radar.  His little card kept him on task.

And when there was all-too-often too much on his plate and pressing for his attention, the ever-present card helped him to know how to approach, how to navigate, and what to focus on.  As author Steven Garber reminds all of us, “I cannot do everything, but I can do something.”

I thought about Howard’s index card a few weeks ago as I realized that I had told several friends, family and acquaintances that I would pray for them in their work, their sufferings, their deep miry bogs, for wisdom, for healing, for strength, and for both courage and encouragement.

I caught myself one morning asking myself “Who did I tell I would pray for them?”  Had that phrase become a type of smiley-faced greeting like “Have a nice day?”  Did I mean it? 

And could I remember exactly who?

That evening, I wrote down on the first piece of paper I found the names of those I had promised to pray for that week.  As I jotted down, I mused that I was writing on an all-too-familiar 3 x 5 index card.

The next morning, that little white card seemed to wave at me from the counter where I had left it.  It reminded me to pray for my friend’s baby, a young couple who were struggling with some deep decisions, a job change for several others, family conflicts for a woman in a Bible study group, for some children starting school, and for those I do not even know who are facing war and displacement in the Ukraine.

The tiny card helped me to not only remember to pray, but each day and sometimes more than once a day, to pray a little differently for them. 

Not to promise to pray, but to actually pray.  God brings each one to mind, because I had written down their names. 

Lest we forget not just the reasons or the names,

      or forget how God works so powerfully

with prayer as a form of worship,

with this means of loving others,

who we place and lift up

    into the strong grip of the Almighty,

coming before Him,

even with what we may never see in our lifetimes.

God never works in singular outcomes,

    and prayer can't help but get all over everyone.

We may never grasp the answer, or provision, or how the situation plays out, but we can faithfully pray.  And know that God listens and responds and knows far beyond our requests. 

And so when I mention to someone that I am praying for them, God uses that little card to nudge me.  

 

And so, from the day we heard,

   we have not ceased to pray for you...

                          Colossians 1. 9

 

Mark the Faithful Ones

Very few books inhabit my shelves that are not marked up with underlining, brackets, and stars in the margins to direct my eyes to what is significant to me.  Sometimes the underlining even has underlining.  Highlighting these passages helps me to remember what touched my heart, changed my mind, or how I learned something new.

Through the years, I have watched many faithful people of God who have crossed my path or walked with me for a season.  I have underlined a lot of actions and attitudes and practices in their lives.  I have carefully observed these individuals not because they were perfect (which they were not), and not just that they are faithful to God, but how.  What practices had they embedded in their lives?  How do they respond to both favor and calamity?  How do they love others well?  How does their faith in Christ play out in everyday life?  

Even in the really hard stuff.  Everyone struggles with something.

The Bible says to mark the faithful ones.  Watch them.  Underline their actions.  Take notes. What do they do?  What are they reading?  What are they involved in?  How do they spend their "spare" time?  Who do they love?  How do they serve God?  What are the habits engraved in their lives?  How do they respond?

Mark the blameless and behold the upright.  Psalm 37. 37

The faithful ones model before us how to walk with Jesus.  Not in rules.  But in word, deed, attitude, patterns of behavior, quick to pray, delving daily in Scripture, offering grace in unexpected places, generous in listening, and to have done all, to stand. 

And the trajectory of their lives looks very different.

It is not often that I take notes at a memorial service.  But I did last night during a celebration of a godly 96 year old woman who passed away recently.  She lived out her faith.  What drew our attention was not just what she did.   But how she did it.  This is what faithfulness looks like.

What lingered before each one of us, "It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me."  Galatians 2. 20

Give recognition to such men and women.  1 Corinthians 16. 18

Recognize them, emulate their actions, take notes, imitate their love for God and others.  They are not just walking with Jesus and blessing the world.  They are blazing the trail for us.