Be the Mom

In case you haven’t been reading the news in the past couple of weeks, the war of parenting styles has taken the media in full force. On January 8, 2011, the Wall Street Journal published an article about the superiority of Chinese mothers, excerpted from the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. The article hit a virtual jugular vein among mothers, indeed generating 6871 emotionally-charged comments, the largest number of responses in the history of the Journal’s website.

Amy Chua spoke about her style of extreme (or excessive) parenting to achieve “successful” children. Her methods, which she says are prevalent in Chinese households, include harshness, strict rules, and intimidation all of which result in children who rise to the top when it comes to academia and future careers. She describes her own childhood (in which her father once called her “garbage”) and basically concludes that this parenting style motivated her… and now works in the raising of her own daughters. In the barrage of media hype after the article was published, Chua replied, “Jokes about A+s and gold medals aside…, I don’t believe that grades or achievement is ultimately what Chinese parenting (or at least how I practice it) is really about. I think it’s about helping your children be the best they can be – which is usually better than they think!” I cringed, though, when I read about the yelling, the threats, and manipulation. Not my idea of a happy family.

Chua is right in one regard, whether you are a Tiger Mom or a permissive one or one who is simply intentional in how she raises her kids, you want the best for your children. Having strong standards and high expectations is not wrong in itself, but a child’s life does not have to be harsh and hurtful for them to grow deep and strong. Think of your home as a center of love and discipling. To paraphrase First Corinthians 13 verse 1: If I have perfectly obedient children, and have not love, I am only a tyrant.

Be the Mom. Love those little ones with gentleness and grace. That’s why God gave them to you.

Lo,

children are a gift from the LORD.

Psalm 127.3

Make sure your kids know you see them that way.