Imposter In The Choir

You want me to do what?

I looked into the eyes of my child

who wants me to sing in a choir

and for a brief moment longer,

thinks that I can do anything.

I reach into my eternal bag of excuses.

There are always plenty to pull out.

But way down in the bottom was only one:

I have never done that before.

It always worked in the past,

but this excuse looked broken and worn out from use.

 

Ok, I agreed, thinking that it would be one week

and I would be out the door on my ear,

when they discovered that I could not sing.

I have never really sung out loud

except with the radio when no one is around.

The gig is up.

I follow their voices like a child trying to find mama in the mall.

 

The first few weeks I moved my lips.

I had no voice.

I was afraid that someone would hear me.

And wonder why I was here.

Then I discovered voices around me.

And like so many times in my life,

I could carry something

when there were others with the same part.

I was having a hard time,

a hard year,

and early every Monday morning,

I joined the others who sang

despite their wounds.

For a few moments,

we could set down our baggage

and glorify God

in a language that we do not even know.

 

I was a little girl again

awkward with an uneven hem

and unruly hair,

finding myself in the wrong line.

What are you doing here?

You don’t belong.

And while we sang,

it didn’t make a difference that they were better than me,

because I realized that we all had the same part.

It just matters what we do with it.

There are a few that can sing solos,

but most of us need each other

and all of us need to belong.

 

I found myself in the part of the forest

where there are no paths.

I decided to make it an adventure,

my year of doing things I have never done before.

The scenery would still be the same.

But do I look at my feet

or enjoy the view?

I wonder now how many other blessings

I have missed

because I didn’t try.

 

You want me to do what?

I look into the eyes of my God

and say I have never done that before.

I can’t.

You can.

I am standing right beside you.

Just listen to My voice.

And you will hear your part.

 

You want me to do what?

I look into the eyes of my child

who doesn’t need me to sing in a choir.

She just needs to know

that she can do anything.

 

(Postscript:  I wrote this piece years ago when our youngest daughter asked me to sing in a choir of junior high parents, which among other pieces, tackled a vocal composition written in Latin.  I did it for her.  But I learned that being stretched is never a wasted effort.  God used that semester of choir in many different ways, that year of doing things I had never done before, wandering beyond my comfort zone, giving me courage to do yet something else new.  Eighteen months later, I ran my first marathon.  And He equipped me for some really big rocks yet to come.  It really wasn’t about singing in a choir after all, nor being a role model, but learning to trust God even more.)