A Liturgy For AFTER I Do Something Stupid

 

O LORD,

I really messed up big time.  Again.

I have made some incredibly stupid mistakes,

  in many shapes and sizes,

that have hurt others and myself.

          I am so grateful that You forgive.

When I mess up, You say yet again,

                             “Come to Me.”

And I realize in those harrowing moments,

          I am seen, I am heard,

                          and I am loved by You.

            Even now.  Even in this mess.

I was paying attention,

       but not to what was immediate and needful,

       not hearkening to Your voice, Your nudges,

                          nor to common sense.

How often I desire to play the hero,

               “Oh, I can do that. No problem!”

      --the battle cry that never ends up well.

     I end up playing the fool instead.

      And leave behind a lot of broken pieces

                    on the side of the road.

I run with false confidence,

                     until I fly off the back of the treadmill.

I should know better when I think that small choices don’t matter,

                because they always do.

I do stupid things yet another time.

               And You still forgive.

 You don’t mean for me to get stuck in my shortcomings

                              or swallowed up by layers of guilt.

                      That’s what anxiety does.

                                          But You don’t leave me there.

 Doing something stupid

                      is just part of who I am.

Forgiving is all about who You are.

I cannot unwind or rewind,

                          but You redeem.

“What have I done?” is not a statement of condemnation,

                       but the first step of repentance.

Realizing my shortcomings does not defeat me,

      but unfolds my all-too-obvious need for You.

You are the God who knows.

I don’t often see an act of stupidity coming,

                                      but You do.

I am not aware of the potholes, the cliff, the impending crisis,

          because I am pondering something else,

                             daydreaming perhaps,

               wanting to be in control,

                                    or have a better idea,

               snagged by a distraction of minor proportions,

                        in what seems urgent at the time.

I behave as if I have a personal waiver –

               that the laws of gravity or foolishness don’t pertain to me,

             or I don’t have to read the instructions,

                          think about the obvious outcomes,

                               who might get hurt,

                               what abyss I am hurtling into.

You know my shortcomings.

                 That’s why You invented forgiveness

                 and cover me with Your grace.

I fall literally flat on my face,

                          and You lift me up.

             You take my hand, and say, “Follow Me.”

Help me know that being faithful to You

       is not just one thing among many,

                                            but the one thing.

Empower me, Almighty One, not to dwell on my imperfections,

              but to set my mind and heart on You,

mindful of my actions and words,

                                              forgiven and faithful.

Amen.