Filed away

"But she hurt my feelings."  "She owes me."  "He let me down."  We seem to keep an active file of others' imperfections and transgressions against us, organized, alphabetized, and never forgiven.  That file cabinet is too heavy to lift and takes up an awful lot of room in our hearts.

But biggest file of all, the toughest stain, may be my own lack of forgiveness, a nastiness that I just don't want to let go, harboring, and filed away for so long that sometimes even the actual crime has been forgotten, but not the resentment.

But it doesn't have to be that way.  One incident of unforgiveness leads to another.  But one act of grace changes the world in incredible ways.

May we not just sing about peace on earth this year, but leave behind the debts, offenses, scripts of judgment written and re-written, and even those "punishments" envisioned for that imperfect person.  You are not hurting them back, but allowing your own wounds to fester. Instead, let it go. And as my father's 1931 dictionary states, "restore him to an unresentful place in your affections." That is what forgiveness does.

And as Jesus would say, "What debt?"  

Then Peter came up and said to Him,
"Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me,
          and I forgive him?
     As many as seven times?"
Jesus said to him,
"I do not say to you seven times,
but seventy times seven."

                           Matthew 18. 21-22

God is not counting.
Neither should we.

Don't forget to have fun out there!

The pictures sit on the shelves, the mantle, and the desk as visual reminders of times we have had together as a family, the kindness of a stranger to take a shot, a slice of our lives printed on paper.  Some of the most endearing images are those taken on a whim, a chronicle of life unposed.

But I remember all too often in the midst of those times being a Martha, so occupied by the dailyness of what needed to be done as if that was more important than the relationships.   God calls us to train up our children, but first and foremost to see them as the blessings from Him that they are -- to enjoy them.

Singer and songwriter Gloria Gaither once told a story about doing dishes after a family supper together, stewing inside that she was stuck with the task.  Her youngest son ran in the back door and called out to her, "Come, Mom.  Come quick.  You are going to miss it."

She had no idea what "it" was, but to a young boy what was urgent could be just about anything.  She was sure it could wait until she finished her work.  "I can't," she replied.  "You can see I have a lot to do."

"Mom, you are going to miss it!" he repeated as he dashed out the door in a little boy kind of way.

Gloria humphed, and put down the dishcloth.  She stepped out onto the back deck, her little boy's eyes glistening with excitement that she had come out to share this with him.  For just ready to dip below the horizon was the most magnificent sunset she had ever seen.  She stood there, drinking it in, side by side, holding close her little boy, realizing humbly that just a few moments more and she would have missed, not just this golden sunset but an unforgettable experience with her son.

We can't go back, rewind and relive those times together with the family.   But God has given us today.

Go out there and have some fun.  This time is precious and so are they.

Essential ingredients

The store yesterday was packed with harried shoppers gathering ingredients for their Thanksgiving dinner, carefully examining the produce, weighing each item, and crossing off items on their shopping lists, one by one with great intention.  A sense of purpose and a bit of urgency pervaded the aisles.  My shopping cart was pushed aside several times as I tried to navigate the shopping turmoil while reading my own list, a task almost as dangerous as texting while driving.

The recipe called for one-quarter cup safflower oil.  No big deal.  With such a small amount, I decided to skip that item.  I have oil at home.  "It is not going to make a difference," I determined.

One of our daughters is "chef" this year.  Yesterday, I was the lowly concierge, purchasing the ingredients that she had designated.  She is an incredible cook.  I have tremendous respect for her efforts and the amazing results she produces.  I can follow the same recipe, and it doesn't look or even taste the same.

The difference lies in the details and in the very careful following of the recipe.  There is a reason for every ingredient, even if it doesn't make sense to me and even if I don't think it makes a difference.  Exhibit #1:  my cooking versus hers.

This week I was reading in the book of Ezekiel the careful dimensions of the altar, precisely measured.  It is always easy to skip over those allotments, measurements and restrictions.  Did it really matter then?  Does it matter to me now?

But in Scripture, there is always a reason for details.  In the margin of Ezekiel 48, I had written years ago:

In each of our lives, there are lines and boundaries, not to restrict or limit us, but that we may focus on and maximize what we have been given.  And yet, in our natures, it always seems greener elsewhere.

I may think that I know better than Julia Child or James Beard, but I don't know better than God.  Following Him, obeying what He says, makes a significant difference in my life and in the lives of everyone God places on my path.

Needless to say, rather ashamed by my arrogance, I am running to the store to get that little bottle of oil today.    Consider it submission, obedience, or just following the instructions. But in our lives, somehow even in the willingness to follow, God makes a difference in us.

You shall walk in all the way
which the LORD your God has commanded you,
that you may live,
and that it may go well with you,
and that you may live long in the land
which you shall possess.
                           Deuteronomy 5.33

Tough skin, Norman Rockwell, and a big serving of poisonous darts

Little do these happy people realize, but that turkey is about to explode.

Feelings are about to get hurt.  A well-meaning remark is ready to be taken the wrong way.  An entire bottle of vintage bitterness just got knocked over.  Watch out, someone is already reaching for caustic words that he has prepared since the last time you were together.  And don't forget the side dishes of petty jealousies (mom always gave you the biggest cookie), resentments from birth, and zingers designed to maim.

What's packed in your suitcase or stuffed in your pockets for when -- not if -- the opportunity arises this holiday season?

Ironically, it is the one with the tough skin who is typically most sensitive to carefully-crafted poisonous darts, aimed for the jugular.  But a tender heart is the one whose feelings are not easily hurt.  A tender heart comes prepared with grace and healing, not insensitive to stress but gracious in it.  A tender heart initiates a conversation instead of a confrontation.  A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15.1)

As most siblings growing up, our daughters knew what their sisters' hot buttons were.  On many occasions, particularly on road trips, I would pull aside one of the girls and say, "Let's play,  You can't make me mad."  For the next hour without the "attacker" knowing, the object of the "game" was to rise above the fray, divert the fiery darts, respond graciously, try to distract, and sometimes flat out ignore actions which were designed to create an uprising.  With this response, it doesn't take long for the attacker to tire, feel rather ridiculous, and move on to another recreational sport.

Family competition?  Outdo one another in showing honor.(Romans 12.10)  Try "playing" that one.

Your clearest presentation of the Gospel
       is not a memorized script,
but sitting where no one else wants to sit,
listening compassionately to that old grumpy uncle,
and doing what needs to be done
                    without being asked
                    without recognition
       diapers, dishes, and other nasty stuff
          that no one wants to do.

Don't just say grace at the table,
                               live it.
Don't just ask His blessing,
                               be it.
That is why God has you there.

Jesus does not make me love others.
He empowers me not just to love,
                            but to love more,
   beyond what I can do myself,
   beyond what
         would even occur to me to do.

Sometimes it just takes one word to set ablaze
           a family gathering.
But often it just takes
                     one act of grace
       to diffuse the flame.

Above all
     hold unfailing your love for one another,
since love covers a multitude of sins.
                               1 Peter 4.8

Happy Thanksgiving!
                     

Get back on the bike

The course was muddy, full of dips, holes, rocks, and steep ascents that reduced many racers almost to a crawl. Tough conditions?  No, perfect for cyclocross, a sport that could have been invented by Tide detergent.  The muddier the course, the better the race.

Two weeks ago, my husband was right in the thick of it, living out his motto, "Never act your age."

He went down three times, once in a gully where he cracked his helmet, and twice falling as he was going UP a muddy knoll.  Having raced on roads for thirty years, this was his first cyclocross race.   He was discouraged just long enough to realize that everybody falls down, the novices for sure and even the pro's. 

But it is what you do THEN that makes the difference.

The first time he went down, it was in a gravel-strewn gully about a half-mile into the race without spectators around. When he fell, he cracked his helmet. The other cyclists zipped past him, relegating him from middle of the pack to almost dead last.  He scrambled up, pushed his helmet back together, and got back on his bike.

The biggest crowds had gathered on the muddiest hill, watching the cyclists navigate the slippery slope.  Bill made it about halfway up when, along with a few other riders, his wheel slipped in a muddy rut, and down he went.  The crowd did not scorn these fallen riders-- they cheered them on.  "Go, Bill!" I heard several spectators shout out encouragements to him.  And yea, there were hecklers -- there are always hecklers -- but then again, they are not the ones out there racing.  Covered in mud, Bill got back on his bike.

The second time he ascended the hill, he went down again.

The third time, he jumped off his bike and ran, carrying it up the hill, and then hopping back on at the top.

He did not dwell in the mire.  He got back on his bike. Bill learned something from it, how to navigate, how to hang in there.  And he finished the race, muddy and smiling.

Jesus approached a lame man who had been sitting for decades by a healing pool.  Jesus did not commiserate with him, but held out to him extreme compassion, a compassion so deep that He said to the man, "Do you want to be healed?"

And in spite of the man's litany of excuses, 
Jesus said to him,
"Rise,
take up your pallet,
           and walk."
                              John 5.8

We all fall down, sometimes in the deepest mire. Everyone struggles with something, dealing with scars and wounds and imperfections.  But it is what we do then that makes the difference.  Are we willing to let God redeem those things?  Just as He empowered the man who had grown comfortable in his crippling circumstances, Jesus says, "Get up."

Jesus heals and redeems in the most extraordinary ways.

Redeem it, O LORD,
    turn it inside out
            and make it a strength
 to bring glory to You.

We all fall.
We all get muddy.
Let it go
         and get back on your bike.
For in our weakness,
            His strength is revealed.

              
...though he fall,
        he shall not be cast headlong,
for the LORD is the stay of his hand.
                                Psalm 37.24

The LORD lifts up the downtrodden...
                               Psalm 147.6

 ...for a righteous man falls seven times,
                  and rises again...
                               Proverbs 24.16

But He said to me,
"My grace is sufficient for you,
for My power is made perfect in weakness."
                                2 Corinthians 12. 9