My Life as a Professional Worrier

“Fear not, for I am with you” are the most familiar words in the Bible.  I have not counted, but I once heard that those words (or a variation of the same) are stated in the Bible 365 times, conveniently once for every day of the year.  That is how much we need to have it drummed into us that we are not alone in this life.

Fear and anxiety snuck into the world in the garden of Eden.  It was not the bite of the apple that did it, but a fraction of a second beforehand when, for the first time in the history of the world, Eve doubted the goodness of God.  Satan promised her something more.  And Eve, not knowing anything other than good, fell for that greatest of deceptions.  She just didn’t realize what “more” entailed – fear, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, greed, jealousy, and well, we all know the whole lurid list.

Last Sunday was Easter, and the church we attended served communion.  As we bowed our heads to confess our selfish ways, I began through my usual litany of pride, stubbornness, and the like.  As I prayed, I felt like God was saying to me, “yea, yea, but what are you REALLY struggling with?”  I immediately recalled the headlock feeling that I have been wrestling with for several years, that feeling of being overwhelmed and dismayed, those phantoms of fear and anxiety that send me into panic over the tiniest details.  THAT is a sin?!???   Really??  Fear and anxiety are SIN?  “Well, what are they but doubting MY goodness and My love for you?” 

I realized that when faced by a challenge, or the unknown, or even totally irrational fears (“you are afraid of that???”), anxiety had become my default.  And that needed to change.  So I admitted that anxiety was a sin.  That was a huge step.  I confessed that I rashly engaged in it.  And I repented.  My pastor says that repentance is not just saying “sorry” but getting off that train and going in the opposite direction.  It is not a matter of being forgiven – that has already been taken care of on the Cross – it is already paid for.  I needed to name that sin, hand it over, and let Him throw it into the deepest sea.

God is replacing that fear with trust in Him --  a gracious provision on His part, a conscious decision on mine, everytime I hear anxiety rapping at the door.  Ann Voskamp in her book One Thousand Gifts says “Thanks is what builds trust.”  So instead of letting panic seep in, I have begun thanking God.  “It’s impossible to give thanks and simultaneously feel fear,” she says.  Giving thanks counteracts anxiety not with sappy sweet sentiment but with the reality of the goodness of God.  Thank Him in everything, because God is good.  As we used to sing in the South, “God is good all the time, All the time God is good.”  View everything through that lens and it will change your life.

I told anxiety that I didn’t want to be her friend anymore.  I turned my back, walked away and left her behind.  And I was shocked at what happened next, so quickly, so profoundly.  For years I have woken up late at night, sometimes for hours at a time just laying there, fighting off fears, both real and imagined.  Since my confession, amazingly, for the past week, I have slept through the night.  Every night, the deep, I-don’t-think-I-moved-all-night kind of sleep.  As one of my favorite hymns says, “sin’s curse has lost its grip on me.”  Trust is becoming my new default, His Presence my reality. 

Fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you,

I will help you,

I will uphold you

with My victorious right hand.

                      Isaiah 41.10