A New Chapter

It is official. The hard drive on my computer is dead, beyond repair, resurrection, and even data retrieval. And with it went almost a year of writing, pictures of family, a dozen or so blog postings not yet published, notes from books I read this year, articles written for various publications, quotations from newspapers and magazines, and research on a book I have been working on for about sixteen months. Just like that. Gone. And sometimes we have to live with mystery, indeed letting God carry us through those barren places that don't make sense, and if we look closely enough, finding grace in the wilderness. So for the next couple of weeks, until I can get my computer fixed, I am back to pen and paper, back to where I started as a young girl, just like old times, writing in spiral notebooks, on the back of envelopes, index cards, grocery lists, old receipts, and this morning, letting words wander down the margin of a Bible study lesson. I lost a lot of words this week, but more will emerge to take their place. Last week when the great crash happened, as I was putting my journal away in the evening, I saw that hours before the computer's final breath, I had written at the top of the page "not an unknown to Him." God is still sovereign, even in this. God is in control, even in this. God will use this situation for tremendous good, even in this, and what appears tragic may be turned inside out for something deeper yet. He is my Redeemer. All things, even in this. My hard work just vanished. But it is only something that I have done; it is not who I am. It is a huge reminder -- yes, to back up more often -- and that He is enough. Let God use what happened for His glory. Perhaps a change of direction is in store, a new chapter I never expected, a deepening. He is LORD even in this, beyond what I can comprehend, His goodness too good to even grasp. It is not that I trust God that He knows what He is doing, but that I know enough to stake my life on it. I know there is always a reason why. Must I know that reason in order to trust Him into it? In order to know He is using it? That He is using this for a higher purpose than what appears? Was the work really lost or was it used to make me grow? It may have already fulfilled His intentions. And when my path is barren and I have sand in my shoes, He may just be leading me across the Red Sea on dry ground. I can trust Him. Even in this. For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55.8-9 The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me. Psalm 138.8