And then I looked up

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I was zipping through my emails at a rapid pace on my phone, separating junk mail from the significant. Delete, delete, save. Instead of sitting in my usual morning reading chair, I stood absentmindedly in the living room overlooking the side porch-- for no particular reason, just because I was there -- or so I thought. I was trying to be efficient with my time, totally unaware of what was taking place around me.  Hurry, hurry, get through this and onto the next.  Reading something I wouldn't remember an hour from then, I glanced up mid-sentence.  And there to my amazement, just on the other side of the glass, a black bear was meandering across the porch, just strolling along, sniffing his way, minding his own business.  My husband Bill was reading a book not five feet away from me, totally oblivious to this majestic creature literally on our doorstep. A bear!  I was filled with a powerful sense of awe at this rare occurrence. Bill looked up, slowly put down his book, and watched with me as this magnificent animal ambled by.  "They're always there," he replied. "We just don't always see them." How many times am I totally unaware of the spectacular? If I hadn't looked up, I would have missed the wonder that the Almighty placed right before me. Because I don't look up, inquire, seek His way, I am distracted by the mundane and miss out on the extraordinary just meandering by, even like a bear in our midst. Be still,      and know that I am God.                                          Psalm 46. 10 Are we looking for particular answers we have crafted so carefully, or God's stamp of approval on our own agendas, or a neon sign suddenly appearing and pointing the way? Looking for something else--or looking at something else-- and missing out on the intricate details of His divine appointments, even those pointblank in front of us? And all along, there He is, waiting for us to lift up our eyes to Him, and stand speechless, not because of the fireworks or the parting of the Red Sea, but by His glory, even on what we consider the most ordinary of days.  Because in God's dictionary, nothing is just ordinary. My day was not changed by seeing a bear, but my heart was by a visual reminder to live in the reality that God is with us.  He is faithful. "Walk with Me." ...having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which                  He has called you, what are the riches of His glorious inheritance                                         in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness           of His power toward us who believe.....                                    Ephesians 1. 18-19

A year in books 2018

 
 "Of making many books,
       there is no end.
                    Ecclesiastes 12. 12

Here is my journey in books for the year, a mixture of new and old, some I would recommend, others I will not be reading again.  I tried this year to read more widely -- more books of fiction to enrich my imagination, more biographies to enlarge my vision, and many others to exercise my spiritual muscles.  Even the books and authors with whom I did not agree caused me to think about what I really believe.  I learned something from each one, sometimes finding an endearing phrase in the most unlikely volumes.

"Trample not on any; there may be some work of grace there,
that thou knowest not of."
                              Samuel Taylor Coleridge
                              1772-1834

This year, I began reading one book on a friend’s shelf while the whole household was napping.  I also discovered books through recommendations from friends and family, although I learned the hard way that not all recommended prove true -- including one book described as an innocent trek of a man and his grandson in Norway that was really the unraveling of a mass murder.  I have overheard titles in conversation, from reviews published in the Wall Street Journal, and on podcasts by authors I had not known. Several books were rescued from the giveaway pile when our oldest daughter moved, and of course, there is always a volume or two on our shelf that I always meant to read “someday.” 

I tried to intersperse a newly published book with one that is older, those read for the first time and those like greeting an old friend.  As C. S. Lewis once recommended, "It is a good rule, after reading a new book, never to allow yourself another new one till you have read an old one in between."

Excluded from this list are the vast number of children's books read aloud again and again, and please just one more time before bed?   Some of the picture books were newly published, but the old ones we relished together, reading side by side on the bed, or sometimes the cramming and clammering of four little bodies wrestling for my lap  --the solution with the twins on my lap and the others on each arm of the chair. Of those books familiar to the children, I would often leave off a phrase or two, of which they gladly reminded me out loud.

Book of the year?   Very, very hard to pick favorites.  From each category:  fiction definitely Virgil Wander by Leif Enger, biography Becoming Dallas Willard by Gary W. Moon or Oswald Chambers: Abandoned to God by David McCasland, touching memoir Holding onto Hope by Nancy Guthrie, my nonfiction award to Leadership in Turbulent Times by Doris Kearns Goodwin, and of course, anything by Madeleine L'Engle is delightfully chocolate for my mind.  The Bible is not really last on my list, but that which holds me all together.

My year in books for 2018:

            Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan (2008)

             Liturgy of the Ordinary:  Sacred Practices in Everyday Life by Tish Harrison Warren (2017)

          Can Man Live Without God? by Ravi Zacharias (1994)

           The Heart Of Evangelism by Jerram Barrs (2001)

            The Creative Habit:  Learn It and Use It For Life by Twyla Tharp (2003)

           The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work by Eli J. Finkel (2017)

            Norwegian By Night by Derek B. Miller (2012)

           For The Time Being by Annie Dillard (1999)

           The Call:  Finding and Fulfilling the Central Purpose of Your Life by Os Guiness (1998)

           Oswald Chambers:  Abandoned to God by David McCasland (1993)

1        Still Life by Louise Penny (2005)

         John Stott’s Right Hand:  The Untold Story of Frances Whitehead by Julia Cameron (2014)

          Amazing Love by Corrie ten Boom (1953)      

           The Collaborative Habit: Life Lessons for Working Together by Twyla Tharp (2009)

          Fit or Fat: A New Way to Health and Fitness through Nutrition and Aerobic Exercise   by Covert        Bailey (1977)

1        Leopard at the Door by Jennifer McVeigh (2017)

 .        A Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L’Engle (1972)

1       Dorie:  The Girl Nobody Loved by Doris Van Stone (1979)

1       Warlight by Michael Ondaatje (2018)

2       Think Again: Relief from the Burden of Introspection by Jared Mellinger (2017)

2       Varina by Charles Frazier (2018)

2       Holding On To Hope:  A pathway through suffering to the heart of God by Nancy Guthrie (2002)

2       Practicing the King’s Economy:  Honoring Jesus In How We Work, Earn, Spend, Save, and Give by Michael Rhodes and Robby Holt (2018)

2       Frederick Law Olmsted: Plans and Views of Public Parks by Charles E. Beveridge (2015)

2       Calico Joe by John Grisham (2012)

2       Everybody Always:  Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People by Bob Goff (2018)

         Leave No Trace by Mindy Mejia (2018)

2      A Wind in the Door by Madeleine L’Engle (1973)

2       Befriend:  Create Belonging in an age of judgment, isolation and fear by Scott Sauls (2016)

        The Ninety-Third Name of God by Anya Krugovoy Silver (2010)

3      The Art of Gathering:  How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker (2018)

3       Insider Outsider by Bryan Loritts (2018)

3       Prayer:  A Holy Occupation by Oswald Chambers (1992)

3       Plenty for Everyone by Corrie Ten Boom (1967)

3       Leadership in Turbulent Times by Doris Kearns Goodwin (2018)

3     A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L’Engle (1978)

3     Crossover by Kwame Alexander (2014)

3     The Pursuit of Endurance:  Harnessing the Record-Breaking Power of Strength and Resilience by Jennifer Pharr Davis (2018)

3     The Playbook:  52 Rules to Aim, Shoot, and Score in This Game Called Life by Kwame Alexander (2017)

         Run for Your Life by Mark Cucuzzella M.D. (2018)

       Becoming Dallas Willard: The Formation of a Philosopher, Teacher, and Christ Follower by Gary W.  Moon (2018)

4     Jesus Among Secular Gods:  The Countercultural Claims of Christ by Ravi Zacharias and Vince Vitale (2017)

4        Lessons from Madame Chic by Jennifer L. Scott (2011)

4     The Winter Soldier by Daniel Mason (2018)

4     Virgil Wander by Leif Enger (2018)

4       The Heart of Prayer:  What Jesus Teaches Us by Jerram Barrs (2008)

4       The Givenness of Things:  Essays by Marilynne Robinson (2015)

4     Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray (1895)

4      White Picket Fences: Turning Toward Love in a World Divided by Privilege by Amy Julia Becker  (2018)

5     The Bible

The picture is not completed, and the story is not over

Over the years, our family has enjoyed puzzles and board games over the holidays.  Some endeavors in the past continued for days and even weeks at times, a few minutes and a strategic move on the Risk board, a puzzle piece transplanted from one side to another as someone rushed out the door, or the discovery of that elusive piece fallen on the rug below the high chair. These joustings are eventually abandoned on the dining room table, and reluctantly shelved in the back closet sometime in mid-January. 

One of our daughters brought a new puzzle with her when she came home for Christmas this year.  A pile of literally a thousand indecipherable pieces of tiny birds waited on the dining room table like a forgotten guest. 

We barely even knew where to start.

The pieces were shaped mostly alike, with tiny beaks and teeny bird feet, snatches of color on wings and tails, and an occasional dark eye looking for its little bird face.

The puzzle is designed to ultimately form a picture when it is all put together, but the completion of puzzles and the resolution of problems are not confined to a calendar year, nor to a list of goals.  Maybe not this year is a mark of growth, not a dead end.

When it comes down to it, even the unexpected pieces, the mysterious, difficult, joyous and incomprehensible —I had a few of those this year — even in what appears to be missing or does not seem to fit, all is being redeemed.  It just may not be visible to me yet.

Not time to give up, but trust the Almighty a little more, follow a little closer, and realize how myopic I am.

Do I view the year in so many tiny unconnected pieces?

The picture is not completed, and the story is not over yet.

“Trust Me in this.” Nothing random at all, not even one little piece.  Faith is not wishful thinking that somehow it will work out, nor sorting through to find some kind of meaning in it, nor pasting a picture on the box of what I want it to look like in the end.  Faith is knowing there is a design, even in the mess, every piece is strategically positioned, every shadow faithful, everything impossible is still a carefully crafted detail.

God surprises us sometimes when a small corner unexpectedly comes together, or a couple of odd unrelated shapes fit snugly, and give a glimpse of what is and what might be. The Lord actually knows what He is doing, even if I do not, maybe especially when I do not.

There is a sacred glory after all, His ongoing grace and infinite love.

He is before all things,

and in Him,

all things hold together.

                  Colossians 1. 17

Imagine that in 2019.

Happy New Year, my friend!

The shortest of days, the longest of nights

Today is the winter's solstice, that annual day when we experience the shortest of days in the year and the longest of nights.  The afternoons end in darkness, and in the morning, the dawn sleeps in. 

The darkest of days, indeed.

Surrounded by holiday cheer and glitter, so many of us are overwhelmed by utter darkness in our own lives or those around us.  You may be one of them. 


But we are not stuck forever in the dark, as in Narnia where for a long while, it was "always winter and never Christmas."  But that was not the end of the story.   Nor ours.

The nights only get shorter from here.

Solstice marks when the darkness begins to be pushed back, the beginning of redemption -- or rather, as we can only see someday in the rearview mirror --the continuation of God's redeeming. 

God is at work. 
     His faithfulness never fails.
Even in the mysteries.
Even in what I cannot understand.
Even in the darkness.

I can be paralyzed by the dark. 
             Or walk with Him through it.

...even the darkness is not dark to You;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with You.

                                Psalm 139. 12

God does not have a night light;
          He has night vision.
 He sees clearly through
     what is unknown and scary to us.
The unknown and dark and difficult
        are not impossible to Him.

"Walk with Me,
          rest easy in dark rooms
               -- and long nights --
and do not be afraid."

What song is this?

My four-year-old granddaughter and I hung out yesterday afternoon.  In my eyes, no spectacular activities were scheduled, but in her world, even drawing with chalk on the driveway, is a special event.

As she was playing with our daughters' old dolls, dressing them up for the day and trying to manage hair that was twenty years an unmanageable mess, I heard her humming little Christmas songs that she had learned in pre-school. 

Awhile later, we dashed over to the public library to return a book that was due.  The public library is a golden magical place to her.  She can play in the children's corner, and like me as a child, she is mesmerized by the number of books surrounding her, all calling out her name.  And she can take any one of them home -- for a few days. 

Yesterday, as I was looking through some books and she was playing with Legos in the children's section, I could hear her -- not a hum, but full fledged singing -- in her sweet pure voice,  "Go tell it on the mountain that Jesus Christ is born."  She knew the words.  She knew the melody.  It was not even an intentional performance, but bubbling up right from her heart.  No audience necessary.

And as she continued to sing, people went about their library business.  Listening.  And no one even thought about telling her "no singing in the library."  Or even, "you can't sing 'religious' songs in a public place."  But we all enjoyed the music on a cold winter afternoon in a normally silent place.

She was just being herself.

And even in this secular culture with its strict adherence of rules of "you can't do that here," lives of faithfulness and unexpected grace and the good news about Jesus, reverberate from within those who do not just believe in God, but know something different.

For there our captors required of us songs,
and our tormentors, mirth, saying,
    "Sing us one of the songs of Zion!"
How shall we sing the LORD's song
               in a foreign land?

                       Psalm 137. 3-4

Continuously,
       every which way we can.
God has strategically placed us
       in time and location
to do exactly that.
Sometimes grace has words to it,
       but always a melody
       that gets stuck in our hearts.

You never know who is listening.
You never know how God is using you.