Four ways to respond when I want to run away

It was a conversation that somehow suddenly turned down a proverbial dark alley.  What began as a pleasant exchange left me feeling like I had suddenly been attacked by a mob and left to bleed alone.

We said our good-byes.  I put down the phone and began to fold laundry.  I needed to DO something.  My heart hurt.  And I cried out to the LORD, "how do I navigate this relationship?"

And even before I started down a path of negative feelings, God turned my thoughts around.  I remembered a little game we used to play with our girls when they were young.  We called it "you can't make me mad." The gist of the activity was to encourage them to rise above the turmoil when someone is intentionally trying to push their buttons.

It was an exercise in responding, not reacting.  A response is a return in words or deeds which is intentionally thought through and practiced.  In contrast, a reaction lashes out, leaving all too often destruction and regrets in its wake. It is a choice to make which directly impacts the outcome in a volatile relationship or situation.

And so, instead of dwelling on guilt, fear, and dismay, I thought 4-3-2-1.

4 good memories from the past
3 things I love about her
2 ways I can pray for her
1 specific means of encouraging her

And I couldn't believe how God changed my mindset, approaching this relationship with healing and connection, not ignoring the rough places but majoring in grace.

It enabled me to stand for a moment in her shoes -- to grasp what she is seeing and experiencing right now in her life. And to realize what desperation she might be carrying in her heart.

And it drew my heart tenderly toward her.

In so many of the mechanical devices that surround me, a default is the established way of operating.   The same holds true in my relationships.

Time to change the default.  4-3-2-1

Let us then
   pursue what makes for peace
and for mutual upbuilding.

                        Romans 14.19