Four ways to respond when I want to run away

It was a conversation that somehow suddenly turned down a proverbial dark alley.  What began as a pleasant exchange left me feeling like I had suddenly been attacked by a mob and left to bleed alone.

We said our good-byes.  I put down the phone and began to fold laundry.  I needed to DO something.  My heart hurt.  And I cried out to the LORD, "how do I navigate this relationship?"

And even before I started down a path of negative feelings, God turned my thoughts around.  I remembered a little game we used to play with our girls when they were young.  We called it "you can't make me mad." The gist of the activity was to encourage them to rise above the turmoil when someone is intentionally trying to push their buttons.

It was an exercise in responding, not reacting.  A response is a return in words or deeds which is intentionally thought through and practiced.  In contrast, a reaction lashes out, leaving all too often destruction and regrets in its wake. It is a choice to make which directly impacts the outcome in a volatile relationship or situation.

And so, instead of dwelling on guilt, fear, and dismay, I thought 4-3-2-1.

4 good memories from the past
3 things I love about her
2 ways I can pray for her
1 specific means of encouraging her

And I couldn't believe how God changed my mindset, approaching this relationship with healing and connection, not ignoring the rough places but majoring in grace.

It enabled me to stand for a moment in her shoes -- to grasp what she is seeing and experiencing right now in her life. And to realize what desperation she might be carrying in her heart.

And it drew my heart tenderly toward her.

In so many of the mechanical devices that surround me, a default is the established way of operating.   The same holds true in my relationships.

Time to change the default.  4-3-2-1

Let us then
   pursue what makes for peace
and for mutual upbuilding.

                        Romans 14.19

Things that come suddenly

Somehow we have come to believe that the things most extraordinary in our lives come suddenly, when indeed, God's power is revealed incredibly in the everydayness of our lives.  We tend to wait for the cataclysmic events or changes -- the fireworks -- all the while missing out on what God is doing here and now.

For most of our married life, my husband worked for a huge corporation which transferred our family to different locations every few years.  Even before we moved in, even as we were buying a house, we often were thinking of  "where next."  After each Christmas celebration, I would carefully wrap the ornaments, not knowing where they might be unpacked on the next holiday.

Trust me, there were many times when I thought, "What are we doing here?"   You may find yourself living in that same mystery, and even perhaps arguing with God about greener pastures.

Indeed, it would have been easy to let "what's next?" drive our lives. But in each of these locations -- often not where we would have chosen to live -- God focused our lives on "what today."  He guided us to get involved with those around us - in community and schools and church - not waiting for the "next thing" or something big.  That has taken many forms over the years for me including coordinating a supplemental reading program in the public elementary school where our girls attended, supporting the high school girls cross country team with pasta and a million Rice Krispie  treats, and as I have written about before, how God led an introvert like me to teach Bible study with neighbors.

It is not just in the huge events of our lives that we see His hand, but in the daily details.  "Give me eyes to see, O LORD."  And in His light, there is not necessarily a path ahead of me, but a single next step.   "Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."  Psalm 119.105  He revealed opportunities of which I was not aware, glaring needs all around me, and purposes for being here of which I can only trust Him.

My calling is to do all things with excellence, whatever is on my plate today, in the high places and in the ditches of unrecognized labors - maybe especially in those low places.  Because all work is eternally significant in God's eyes - whether lovingly changing a baby's diaper or leading a major corporation.  There is no separation.  All is sacred when done with His glory in mind.

The tiniest details of His creation are what makes everything work together.  And that is how God uses us as well.  Nothing is ordinary. Sometimes we see all those jig-saw puzzle pieces come together, and sometimes it is for another person to put in the last piece and see the picture that appears to come suddenly.  My grandmother used to say, "no effort is for nought."  And as it says in the book of Zechariah in the Bible, "for the day of small things is not to be despised."

Live fully in it.  "What today," O LORD?

But seek the welfare of the city
where I have sent you into exile,
and pray to the LORD on its behalf,
for in its welfare
   you will find your welfare.

                          Jeremiah 29.7

Preparing for the week ahead

Yesterday morning as I entered church, a music video greeted the congregation.  Printed at the bottom of the screen were the words, "Use this video to prepare your hearts for worship."  Indeed, the music set the tone for the morning church service.  When the actual service started, we were ready to worship.

During the service, I was reminded how often the worship music becomes the background music for my week.  Frequently,  I find myself humming the hymns and praise songs, or singing the words as I go about my days.  It amazes me how often these songs are based on words from Scripture.   The teaching from the pulpit also accompanies me in succeeding days as I think about the sermon or contemplate the verses of Scripture read out loud.  This morning, I saw a man worshiping, his arms cast high and wide as if standing before the grandeur of all God has created.  That image of worship inscribed itself in my thoughts as I left the sanctuary and now as I walk into my week.

I left church with a bulging bag of carryouts -- not leftovers, mind you, but nourishment that carries me through the week.  Verses, songs, food for thought, and new strength for tomorrow.

And as I start my week, I discover that "Prepare your hearts for worship" is not really about going to church at all, but preparing my heart to worship God throughout the week-- wherever I go, in whatever I do, with whomever God places on my path, whenever, and however I can.

Indeed... "work, worship, and service are inextricably linked and intricately connected," says Dr. Tom Nelson in his book Work Matters .

Worship emanates from all I do.  Worship changes my view about what I do and how I do it with all intention and excellence.  I am not worshiping my work, but worshiping God through it.

Prepare to worship.

Whatever your task,
work heartily,
      as serving the LORD
   and not men...

                 Colossians 3.23

Drool marks

As I was unpacking from my week of taking care of our three-month-old grandbaby, it was obvious from the condition of my clothes what I had been doing.  I sorted what needed to be laundered.  And there was the evidence of babycare:  little marks on the shoulders of my shirts where the baby had been gnawing impatiently while I heated up his bottle. ("Hurry, Gramma!")  There were also various drools on the front of my shirts - marks of which I consider badges of honor.

The marks showed how I had been spending my time.

Just the same, our lives are marked distinctly by spending time with God -- reading the Bible, prayer, and worshiping Him through all we do.  God transforms our lives by changing our hearts.  Indeed, as he "came down from the mountain, Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because he had been talking with God."  (Exodus 34.29)

The time each one of us spends with Him leaves evidence throughout our days, showing with great distinction a changed heart, so deep that it transforms one's countenance and alters every encounter.

Abide in Him.  It will be revealed in everything you do and how you love -- obvious to everyone around you and in ways that you may never fully know. 

Did I leave something?

My suitcase is packed.  The sheets and towels are washed, dried, and put back into place for the next visitor.  The baby has been up, fed, his diaper changed three times, gone for a walk, had a short nap, and it is still only 8.30 on a Saturday morning.

As I leave today to drive long hours back home, I have walked through the apartment, looking carefully to make sure I don't accidentally leave something behind, something misplaced, left on a nightstand or in the kitchen.

I walked around the quiet early morning, so thankful for my days here this week.  Under the guise of taking care of our youngest grandson, I had great fun.  I was able to get to know him more, his cute little personality grabbing my heart with both chubby hands.  And as I attempted to get him to nap in the afternoons, I relearned that he is his mother's child, and just doesn't require the same amount of sleep as others his age.  I learned to make the most of that time instead, playing with him, talking, singing, and going for walks to gaze at the trees waving overhead.

I will miss him as I return home, but I know full-well not to lament my time away, but instead to maximize our time when we are together and dwell on that.

What did I leave behind?  I hope a lot of memories and love.  I am certainly taking a heart full home with me.